


Letters for X

by Xadrian



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-22 16:10:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2513915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xadrian/pseuds/Xadrian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izaya was X, Shizuo was Y. Izaya was green, Shizuo was red. Izaya was the intellect, Shizuo was the imagination. </p><p>At Cram College Preparatory Academy, they couldn't be without each other. </p><p>"We're just friends with benefits, right?"<br/>"Of course, protozoan."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dear X,

He narrowed his eyes at the schedule handed out to him. Narrowed them some more. Squinted. He probably squinted so forcibly, that the exertion actually altered the way the light entered his cornea for a fraction of a second, so the blurriness seemed to lessen. He had that kind of strength, after all. 

He was Shizuo Heiwajima.

...Shizuo Heiwajima was also very, very nearsighted.

The particularly lanky brunette sat upright in his chair, not even bothering to touch the paper that had his name printed on it. He simply allowed his frustration to grow towards the concept of his inherently bad eyesight, which meant prescription glasses were in his near future. Ew. How does one get used to having that constantly on their face? Shizuo could barely withstand sunglasses on the frequent but blindingly hot days he used to undergo in Phoenix. 

He sighed as the homeroom teacher finally began her cheery roll call. He wasn't in Phoenix anymore. Oh, noooo, he was not--

"Heiwajima?"

"Huh?" 

The redhead woman smirked, placing one of her hands onto her wide, jean-covered hips. "Please pay attention. We only have so much time for homeroom, and there are quite a bit of new policies this year."

"Right," Shizuo almost hummed in response, eager to get back to his solitary thinking.

"Aren't you new?" Her shrilly voice inquired, and all the eyes in the classroom were focused upon him.

"Uhm," the brunette scratched the back of his head as if that would elicit a speedier response. He shot her back a nervous smile, nodding his head.

"Well, welcome to Cram College Preparatory Academy!"

"It's nice to be here," Shizuo failed to appreciate the welcome as she moved on to more pressing matters besides the new guy.

A pair of honey brown eyes remained fixated on the newcomer, however. As his sixth sense notified Shizuo of the onlooker, he found himself in a staring match with a boy who sat in the row of desks in front of him, but whose desk was up against the wall. The brunette enjoyed being in the center, surrounded by people and their warmth; the raven-haired boy that refused to stop looking at him seemed to hold the reverse sentiment.

It was difficult to make Shizuo feel uncomfortable. Those foreign eyes held a burning intensity he had yet to understand, however, and the luminosity made his face all the more enchanting. Suddenly, the brunette's cheeks were burning, and judging from the smile that tugged on the raven's lips, it was visible in the most embarrassingly cherry shade.

Shizuo forfeited the match, but only to press his chilly hands up to his now feverish face. What the hell? That's... never happened before. He looked back to the boy, who had seemed to have disregarded the entire incident and started listening to the teacher. 

He had frameless glasses perched on his nose, and donned a navy blue collar shirt along with silver jeans. Black converses summed up the external persona, and Shizuo struggled to suppress admiration for the sheer style he had under the school's dress code. Shizuo didn't put much thought into his green polo and slightly ripped jeans, he actually didn't put any thought into his look at all. It'd take a tidal force to change that.

"Orihara," the woman called. 

The raven boy replied with a silky baritone that was hardly audible to anyone who wasn't expectant of it. "Present."

Shizuo had a small, faulty memory, but a legitimate knack for distinguishing what's important and what's bullshit. He would remember the unique Orihara and if they shared any classes. Orihara took off his glasses, effortlessly twirling them between his fingers.

Maybe getting glasses wouldn't be so bad after all.

_I'm up, down_  
_I'm spinning around_  
_High and dry_  
_And kicked to the ground_  
_I'm lost_  
_And I'll never be found_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii, guys. I realize this is an exceptionally short chapter, but I needed to post this to secure my commitment to a real, multi-chaptered story. I've been wanting to write this for a while, but simply couldn't bring myself to (for reasons I'll vaguely explain later). Expect the next chapter very soon, and don't hesitate to let me know all that you're thinking in the comments.


	2. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo meets Kida, along with Erika, Shinra, and the all-important Izaya. He is also met with a blast from the past.

As soon as the bell notifying the end of homeroom rang, the boy labelled Orihara practically ran out of the room. His swift, graceful movements disguised the fact that he was moving so quickly, so no one batted an eyelash when he was the first one out (he had been seated in the second row).

This baffled Shizuo, however, who was too late to notice Orihara's departure as he zipped up his black Jansport backpack. He had been working up the nerve to strike up a conversation with the otherwise unapproachable stranger, unable to deny a sort of attraction. The brunette made a mental note to purchase some button-up collar shirts, recognizing how good they looked but not understanding why he thought so.

He peered at his class schedule. First was art, the entire reason he had applied for this school. The slot for a room number simply said "ART ROOM", and Shizuo cursed. Of course a new student would know where that was in relation to the several buildings that comprised the academy.

He wandered out into the hallway, keeping his sights out for an apparent art room. But since his attention wasn't focused in front of him--

"Heyyyy," someone whined close behind him. Shizuo turned to a blonde kid, donning a white hoodie with a yellow polo collar sticking out. "You kind of hit me, dude. Like the way a semi hits a little yellow buggie--" he made the accompanying sound effects and gestures of the most theatrical car crash, "--kaboom."

Shizuo's eyes widened in realization as he apologized, "Sorry." The blonde began to pick up all the materials Shizuo had managed to make him drop, and Shizuo stopped to help him. 

"Whoa, you have Art II first?! So do I!" The blond exclaimed, nosily peering at Shizuo's schedule. "And we have math together, too!"

Relief swam over Shizuo. "So I'm assuming you know where the art room is?"

"Of course. Been in art already, you know. Art I, Art II. Speaking of," the both of them got up, "I don't remember you being in the program last year. What's your name?" The blonde extended a friendly hand.

Shaking his hand, Shizuo smiled, "Heiwajima Shizuo."

"And I--" the blonde twirled, stomped his foot and raised his hands, "happen to be the great... Masoami... KIDAAAAA!!" Kida went on to imitate screaming crowds cheering his name, and Shizuo chuckled. Kida began moving forward, and Shizuo stayed close behind, like a sheep to the shepherd.

"So. What brings a guy like you to Cram?" Kida probed as he turned the corner.

Shizuo hesitated to answer for a moment, trying to memorize their location. "This place is renowned for the best art program in Seattle, isn't it?"

Kida snorted. "I guess so."

Shizuo shrugged, trying to move on from the anxiety Kida's response brought on. Is the art program really that bad? Would he end up hating it here?

"Heeeere we are," Kida sang as they approached a room that seemed otherwise inconspicuous. He swung open the door, grandly gesturing for Shizuo to enter first. 

"KIDAAAAA!"

"Friends~ oh, how I've missed youuuu~" Kida was tackled by two students once he entered, one of which regarded Shizuo curiously. He was a brunette as well, and wore a pharmacist's coat over his black polo and slacks. 

Pushing up his glasses that gave him an awfully devilish look, he called, "Heyyyy, Masoami. Who is this?"

"Ooh~ he looks like the perfect seme," a girl with a beret remarked mischievously.

Kida playfully hit the girl, chiding her, "Oi, no corrupting new students on their first day. This handsome chap happens to be Shizuo." 

Grinning nervously, Shizuo wondered what a seme was as Kida and the others fervently ushered him to an empty seat.

Kida sat on his right, and the girl sat on his left at the spacious table. She continually made comments to herself and snickered at them, sometimes daring to look at Shizuo then back to her journal as she wrote. Shizuo couldn't help but feel disoriented, and Kida chimed in as if he could sense it.

"That's Erika," Kida pointed to the girl. Shizuo nodded as he assimilated the information. "She's a great artist, both in writing and drawing. She tends to have her mind in the gutter, so approach with caution. Not exactly PG, if you know what I mean."

Shizuo guffawed and Erika indignantly replied, "Kida's worse than I am! Trying to act all nice and tour-guidey for the new kid... you'll be corrupted within a few days." She stuck out her tongue and Shizuo suddenly became wary of his first friend. 

Kida rolled his eyes, and pointed to the junior pharmacist that sat at a table behind them. "Shinra," he instructed. "Awesome if you ever need to be fixed up. Scary if he wants to experiment on ya." Noticing their gaze, Shinra gave a sweet smile and waved.

"Aaaaand... where's Miss Su?" 

"FI-YAAAAH! WE GOT A FIRE!" A female voice shrieked from a back room, and Kida expertly jumped out of his chair, grabbing the fire extinguisher by the door. 

After a few minutes of hissing, a woman emerged from the back room, covered in white foam. "Good thing we didn't set off the fire alarms, I can't stand evacuations." 

Shizuo laughed at the situation, timidly adding, "Won't you need a new fire extinguisher...?"

Miss Su frowned as she wiped foam off her auburn hair, "I guess... I really don't like filing incident reports..."

Kida came out panting. "That's why you shouldn't try heating up your sandwich in the kiln."

"But my microwave's broken!" Her fierce blue eyes focused on the boy next to her, also covered in foam. 

"Why?!"

"How should I know?!"

"Don't you have an actual toaster oven, not an oven that goes to thousands of degrees Fahrenheit?"

"I like a good scorch mark on my food." Miss Su's circling logic seemed to be all the explaining she needed.

Kida facepalmed. Shizuo grinned, enjoying the utter dissonance of the room. It was the way an art room, no, an art program should be. 

"Alright, so how about we get started?" Miss Su offered, and the small population of the room cheered.

...

Lunchtime approached, and thanks to the guidance of an overly eager Kida, Shizuo was (for the most part) familiar with the campus. 

Stepping into the cafeteria, the brunette almost felt tired. He inwardly smiled at the high energy levels Kida and the others held, but wondered if he could really keep up. 

The cafeteria was not as vast as he expected, thankfully. There were several glass door entrances, and the large room was set up into two columns of tables, each row made up of four or five individual tables pushed together. The right column was significantly less in its number of rows, allowing the corner space for the student store. The left wall was simply a string of order windows where students could buy school-provided lunches. 

Choosing the closest, vacated table to the entrance, Shizuo dumped his backpack onto the table. Its contents also spilled unceremoniously, but Shizuo could care less. He laid down on the long seat, closing his eyes with his hands behind his head. Oh, how he wished to be home. Sitting down for several hours a day was not his preference. He could almost feel his cells weakening in the process. 

"Shizuo?" A familiar voice inquired. 

The brunette remained still for a second, hoping that whoever was there would think he was dead. 

"Whoaaaa, Shizuo?" "Shizuo!" Several other, very familiar voices called out to him. Looks like the whole dead concept wasn't understandable. 

Finally opening his eyes but still lying down, he found himself refaced with his early childhood. "Whoaaa, Vorona? Tom? Celty? I haven't seen you guys since elementary." A smile broke out on his face.

"Well, I think hugs are in order!" Vorona demanded, a girl with long, caramel hair that ran to the small of her back. Shizuo got up and managed to hug all three of them in an awkward group hug, and everyone broke out into a fit of laughter. "What is everyone doing here instead of Phoenix?"

The boy with short dreads replied nonchalantly, "You know how all our parents happen to work at the same construction company? They just all happened to get the same promotion."

"Happened to?" Celty scoffed. "They're the Japanese-speaking minority." 

"But this is awesome! It's like... we never really went our different ways. We all ended up here." Shizuo was quite slow, but could sound fairly wise when he spoke at the right moment. 

Vorona elbowed him. "Look at you," she sang, ruffling the brunette's hair as he winced, "all tall and lanky. You're a real boy now!"

"Hey, what are you saying?" Laughter sounded from the four of them again, marking the beginning of what would be a typical clique.

...

Algebra was immediately after lunch, and Shizuo found himself actually waving off his friends before departing. It was a strange feeling, having a group of strongly bonded friends. Shizuo had to go a long while without people like that, usually getting stuck in groups of three where the other two held a secret hate for the brunette for whatever reason. 

"SHIZUO~!" Kida ran up to Shizuo, attempting a hug from behind. Shizuo turned around to greet him like a proper human being, however, leaving Kida no landing for his tackle of affection. 

Fortunately, Shizuo had some amount of reflex, gripping the hood of Kida's outfit before he fell on the ground face-first. Pulling him up, Kida remarked, "Thanks. Hey, you're pretty strong."

Shizuo shrugged, mentally disagreeing. He gestured for Kida to enter the classroom first, and Kida merrily skipped in. Shaking his head, the brunette followed.

"Okay, class!" A senior woman exclaimed in front of the projector cart. Despite her likely candidacy for a grandmother, she seemed to be very spirited. "Choose your seats wisely! While I will be asking you to change seats, that won't be until the end of the quarter!"

Kida grinned, motioning for Shizuo to sit next to him in a corner of the room. The desks were organized into several two-desk units, implying an abundance of partnered work.

This time, Kida was seated to his left. Shizuo had yet to sit down when he was apprehended. 

"Excuse me," a voice purred with a somewhat venomous undertone. Shizuo looked to its source with wide eyes, meeting those fierce honey brown eyes once again.

"Oh, hey, Izaya," Kida leaned back in his chair, casually regarding the boy.

Shizuo repeated the name monotonously, under his breath, "Izaya..."

"So? You're going to sit next to this brute?" Izaya demanded.

_Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down_  
_It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now_  
_Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver_  
_I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence_  
_So please just break the silence_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slow chapter! Man, I struggled to get through that one. I wanted to get the character introductions over with in a single chapter, and set up the exposition for the story. They're all important and _will_ play their roles. So don't ignore any one of them! ;)
> 
> Big thanks to my younger sister, Charm, for being my beta reader. I love you and you're awesome! Plus, she brought up an important point: yes, Shizuo is intentionally brunette. It's symbolic of the changes he has yet to go through, so stay tuned for the bleach blonde hair dye. Thank you for reading, and another update is imminent.


	3. Double Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo gets a taste of Izaya's snark, and some ice cream.

Kida stuck his lip out. “Don’t be so mean to Shizuo!” He whined, gesturing to the lanky boy and trying to remind Izaya of his existence.

At this point Shizuo had a goofy smile on, coming to yet another slow conclusion, “you’re the guy who was in homeroom with me.” Shizuo took the sight of the slender raven in, noting his button-down shirt was open to reveal a black tank sheathing a lean but muscular build.

Izaya huffed, refusing to make more than a second's worth of direct eye contact with the new student. Shizuo liked his eyes. “And?”

A little bit of frustration and confusion arose at the raven’s snappy response. Shizuo didn't expect him to be like that. How could he justify what he felt? ...Izaya's vibes, Izaya's _energy_ suggested an entirely different persona than what he was presented with.

For the umpteenth time that day, Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly. “I think,” the brunette sat down despite the semi-upset boy, “I’ll be sitting here.”

Izaya did a strange turn that landed him in the seat in front of Kida, shooting Shizuo a mildly icy glare before blowing off the ordeal.

The blonde was in a fit of hysterical giggling, and Shizuo leaned towards him in inquiry. “Talk about a great first day,” Kida finally managed to say, wiping tears from his eyes. “You managed to piss off the most intelligent, resourceful person in school.”

Shizuo glanced back at Izaya, who was again contenting himself with twirling his glasses as everyone awaited class to begin. Those types of descriptions didn't instigate any fear, any anxiety, nor any dreading… it actually ignited a passion that aligned with the brunette’s competitive nature.

Because back at Raira High in Phoenix, Shizuo was a fucking _honor_ student.

Rank 1 out of 475.

“So you say,” Shizuo mimicked Izaya’s habit by spinning his pencil in his hand.

“Yep! You’d better live in fear! Oooo~” Kida was presumably practicing his ghost impression in impossibly high frequencies.

“I’m shaking.” _Crack._ Shizuo looked down to find his mechanical pencil in shards, the pieces spread on his desk. Inspecting his hand, the brunette calmly went about extracting a few plastic splinters.

Kida gasped. “How the hell did you do _that_?”

“Just give me a new pencil, please.”

“Mmkay~”

…

The endless day was coming to a close. Shizuo simply wanted to go home, take a nap, and perhaps sleep through until tomorrow morning. His parents had a load of paperwork and other similarly mundane shit to sign, but him? Homework-free.

Looking all directions through the long, one-way corridor, the brunette did his best to weave his way through the crowd without invading anyone’s personal space. He exhaled as he made out it to the front of the academy, where a frenzy of cars and children intermingled dangerously.

“Onii,” something tugged on his sleeve. Shizuo glanced to find his younger brother, Kasuka.

“You have a tracking device on me or something? It’s a little creepy, you know.” The miniature reflection of Shizuo smiled.

“I’m pretty sure I can sniff you out. I mean, you do _smell_ ,” Kasuka replied with a precise poke at Shizuo’s ribcage. Shizuo squeaked unwillingly, scowling at his ticklish weakness. Kasuka laughed, however--an open, free laugh that showed all the way through. Shizuo couldn’t stay frowning for long and joined in.

“Any homework?” The taller brunette asked needlessly as he surveyed both sides of the street, motioning at the drivers as they crossed.

“Nope.” Kasuka chirped, walking slowly along the pristine sidewalk. Shizuo loved to hear Kasuka talk, even if the subject was about nothing in particular. “This neighborhood is so much better than where we used to live.” He kicked a rock onto the black asphalt parallel to them. “Ours was really ghetto.”

“You think so?” Shizuo continued to make pleasant conversation with his brother, narrowing his eyes at the surrounding environment. “I dunno. This one feels too unfamiliar to me.”

“Duh, we moved here about two weeks ago.”

“Don’t remind me. Am I going the right way?” Shizuo nodded his head towards the cluster of houses they were making their way to. “My navigational skills still need adusting.”

"I'm pretty sure. Mom--" Kasuka looked thoughtful as he cut himself off.

"Moooom... what, Kasu?" Shizuo inquired.

Crinkling his nose at the old nickname, Kasuka pointed ahead of them, at two figures that were quite close to their new home.

Shizuo squinted, bringing the figures into focus. They weren't heading into their home, but... the house right next to it. Shizuo groaned, turning around and heading out of the suburban area.

"What, nii-san? Do you know those two?"

"Yeah. Come on, let's see if we can grab some food for dinner, I'm starving."

"Okay!" Kasuka twirled and kept close behind.

Shizuo did not want to be Kida's next-door neighbor. Nor would he be comfortable knowing that Izaya was in the next house. ...Or what if Izaya was the true owner?

Shizuo felt a peculiar urge to grab the stop sign they passed.

...

Shizuo had a sweet tooth. So on the rare days where he actually had cash in his pocket, he had a tendency to spend in places that reflected that. Kasuka didn't object to ice cream as their after-school snack, however, and the two left with triple-scoop, chocolate-covered waffle cones.

The day had transgressed far beyond that highlight. The moon was beginning to hit the streets with its ivory gleam, and Shizuo idly observed all of this from his mattress.

His room was a labyrinth of cardboard boxes, and he hadn't even bothered to put together his bed frame. After spending a significant amount of time putting Kasuka's bed frame together (with German instructions) in his room, Shizuo decided that his wasn't all that important. 

Shizuo's room was the attic; fortunately, it defied expectations by lacking cobwebs and creepy dolls; a quick dusting and vacuuming was all it needed for sanitation. It had a circular window that was situated on the frontward wall of the house, and Shizuo pushed his mattress against it for the best bedtime vantage point.

Earlier on, Shizuo had managed to find a fifth-grade photo after rummaging through boxes in a frenzy. The four children had their arms around each other's shoulders, smiling ear to ear. From left to right was eleven year-old Celty, Shizuo, Vorona, and Tom. He taped it next to the window, but slightly lower.

A light blush manifested at the sight of younger Vorona. Her hazel eyes seemed to speak through time, enrapturing all who looked on for too long. Shizuo used to have a major crush on Vorona in elementary, and had sworn to himself that he would confess before middle school began.

What happened? Shizuo thought as his sight shifted from the window to the photo. He could barely remember anything besides the laughter they shared in those perfect days.

Something was moving in Shizuo's peripheral vision, and his eyes darted back out the window to see a figure exiting the house on the left. He skipped gracefully, but it was so subtle that skipping could be argued as an exaggeration for his movement.

The figure stopped and waved goodbye to something behind him, something cut out of Shizuo's view since both houses were adjacent on a straight line. Shizuo instantly recognized Izaya's face, and his blush deepened. 

Izaya simply continued his stroll, spinning around the nearest light pole. He eventually vanished into the darkness, and Shizuo couldn't help but wonder if Izaya lived close by. If he didn't, what could he be up to? Why would he risk being alone in a big city like Seattle?

Shizuo sighed angrily, smacking his cold hands to his face, willing his blush away. Why did he care? He met this guy today. Why should he care? He forcibly shut his eyes and turned away from the window, allowing sleep to swallow him whole.

_Tonight the foxes hunt the hounds_  
_It's all over now before it has begun_  
_We've already won_  
_We are wild, we are like young volcanoes_  
_We are wild, Americana, exotica_  
_Do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this one gave me a panic attack. I may or may not have accidentally uploaded this chapter draft without a preview, and almost started crying. But it's all good now :D!  
> The italicized lines at the end of each chapter are, for those of you that are slow in nature like our dear Shizuo (and me), song lyrics. Look them up as the story goes on, and you'll have a playlist that actually holds a lot of meaning towards the fic. If you want to know how a song relates to the fic, just comment below and I'll tell ya.  
> Lastly, November has a plethora of breaks from school, so I'm expecting to upload 2-3 chapters for _Letters for X_ per week. Beyond that, I'll be uploading one chapter (at the very least!) per week on Sundays.  
>  Big shoutout to my beta reader, Charm, for making sure my writing makes a little bit of sense. Next, a huge thank you to those of you that left kudos on this fic, and especially Elaissa for bookmarking this! All of you give me the motivation to keep going ;-;


	4. Of Sense and Sensibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo has an unexpected guest at his lunch table; adventures in English class!

In Shizuo's eyes, nothing was as demanding of energy as the first day of school. One always has to be on their toes, smiling in all moments in order to make just the right impression on the alien teachers, cordial to attract classmates and potential friends, even stylish for future romantic interests. (Shizuo had long forsaken style or any form of aesthetics that could make him more pleasing to another, however. Either you liked him or you didn't. Oh, you didn't? Tough shit.) Two weeks had passed since that day, and the brunette was finally settling into his environment.

Having art class for first period was a wake-up call. Being in the presence of Kida, Miss Su, along with all the other eclectic, junior artists was akin to downing several Monster energy drinks at one time. Shizuo never had to worry about falling asleep in school after Art II. And that was certainly a blessing, being around a character such as Izaya. 

Fortunately, Izaya seemed to have forgotten about the brunette's existence, not even bothering to glance in his direction when Shizuo passed by. Shizuo had Algebra II, American Literature, English, and AP World History with the raven--more than half of his class schedule. Not to mention the fact that Izaya was constantly over at Kida's house. This gave Shizuo ample opportunities to quietly observe, accounting his superficial habits, body language, posture, work ethics. But Shizuo, as stated for the millionth time, was quite slow and couldn't make much sense of the data he gathered. 

A few mental revelations he could muster:  
1\. Izaya is organized. Possibly so much to the point of possessing OCD. He has a preference for one type of pencil, detests having his papers stapled/folded/abused in any manner, and has miniscule, straight handwriting. It's so neat, many (including Shizuo) mistake it for computer print.  
2\. Izaya is popular. Many know of him and his staggering intellect, and he's often able to leave adults speechless with his vast knowledge. He seems to leverage this as adequate justification for isolation, and mainly socializes with Kida. A few other classmates he regards warmly, but most others (again including Shizuo) are unwelcome. 

Classes during the first quarter were always abysmal in their content, dealing with self-introduction and "getting to know" one's classmates. Shizuo contented himself with observing Izaya from a distance, not really knowing why he had such an attraction. Yet it wasn't obsessive; Shizuo did not find himself necessarily missing Izaya's presence in classes they did not share. It was an experiment for now, but one the brunette wished to pursue. If only he could shake that raven's hand and properly introduce himself...

"Oi, Shizuo?" Tom-senpai waved his hand in front of Shizuo's face.

The brunette blinked a few times, focusing his vision on his senpai that sat across from him. "Sorry," he muttered, realizing that he had yet again spaced out in the middle of a group discussion. 

Vorona regarded him with concern, adding, "You've been extra spacey today. Want to tell us what's on your mind?" She rested her hand on his shoulder, scooting a little closer next to him.

A brief silence held the spotlight of the group, until Shizuo finally blurted, "...I want to be friends with Orihara Izaya."

The silence seemed to make a comeback for a second before the three friends burst into uncontrollable laughter. Celty was pounding her hand on the table and Tom almost fell off his seat.

"Whaaaat? What's so funny?" Shizuo whined, trying to pass off the light blush on his cheeks.

Tom struggled in between bouts of laughing, "You... And him?" He jerked his thumb behind him, referring to the table where Kida and Izaya sat. "Wow," he couldn't seem to calm down. 

Vorona chimed in. "I think what Tom-senpai is trying to explain is," she waited until Shizuo turned towards her, "that you and Orihara-san are completely different personality types. In a baaad way."

Celty frowned, steering the discussion down a darker avenue. "He enjoys the manipulation of others, and looks at humans as resources. He's not inclined to care about anyone besides those he owes." 

Shizuo gazed down the cafeteria, where Kida and Izaya sat on opposite sides of the table. Kida could be seen enthusiastically drawing in his sketchbook, gesturing to Izaya as Izaya chuckled lightly in response, supporting his chin with one hand. "Really?" He breathed, not wanting to believe those sorts of things. It defied expectations, but in a manner that didn't align with everything else Shizuo had observed.

"Fortunately," Celty again broke Shizuo out of his trance, "he owes me. So I'm inclined to receive treatment slightly better than the average Joe Schmoe that approaches him."

Shizuo was about to ask how Izaya could be in the debt of Celty when Vorona tugged on his sleeve. "Shizuoooo, any new drawings?"

He grinned, pulling his mini pad out of his backpack. It was a metal cover, and etched in it was a medieval dragon in great detail. Vorona and the others always gawked at the cover before he even shared the pages inside. "My recent one has been going pretty well," the brunette quickly flipped it open to reveal a half-finished sketch of Vorona eating a slice of pizza. The cheese stretched from her lips to the slice and her expression was one of ecstasy.

It was the polar opposite of the expression she wore now. "I-I can't believe you drew me like that! When was this, even?"

Shizuo chuckled, and Tom replied coolly, "When we got boba a few days ago, remember? Waffles Café. You decided to order the waffle pizza."

"You look beautiful," Shizuo remarked as he continued to draw the figure. He drew in the rest of her polo uniform, incorporating her pleated skirt and long legs. Celty did a wolf whistle and Vorona seemed to be somewhat satisfied with her paper appearance. A smile danced on her lips while watching Shizuo draw; he looked fervently back and forth from her to his paper to make sure his depiction was accurate.

Shizuo began to draw in sneakers when she interjected. "I was wearing flats that day, not sneakers," the brunette nodded gratefully as he erased.

Tom grinned, "So now you remember~!" 

"Shut up," Vorona demanded, eliciting a laugh from everyone. One laugh was especially drawn out, though, an unfamiliar, foreign one. Kida was at the end of the table, wiping tears from his eyes.

"So _funny!_ Whatcha drawin', Shizuo~?"

"Well, hello there," Shizuo neutrally greeted Kida as he plopped down between him and Vorona. Kida brought along Izaya, who was dressed in a leather jacket with a red button-down. Shizuo's eyes widened as he slowly sat down next to Vorona, at the very edge of the table. Vorona squirmed for a second before getting up and seating herself on the other side of Shizuo.

Izaya quietly smirked, regarding everyone at the table cordially. "Celty," he greeted, and Celty nodded uncomfortably. 

"Shizuo, Tom and I... we're going to get some food." They both got up abruptly, and Vorona got up immediately after, tailing the two. "So am I." She looked at Shizuo and hugged him tightly, and sent a glare towards Izaya before catching up with them. 

"I wonder why everyone suddenly left! It's like we scared them off," Kida pouted, and the sentiment seemed to be genuine, much to Shizuo's surprise. 

"Hnn," Izaya hummed as he directed his attention towards Shizuo. "So you're the guy Kida won't shut up about."

"Isn't he awesome, though? I love Shizuo!" Kida sang as he looked through Shizuo's mini sketchpad quite invasively. Shizuo didn't mind, however, understanding Kida's peculiar personality.

"What can I say? Kida was a little too much sun for them," Shizuo muttered, loosely referencing Hamlet. Kida giggled while Izaya remained solemn.

"That must make me the dark cloud," Izaya suddenly chuckled. Shizuo looked at him curiously, enthusiastically--he was finally engaged in one-on-one contact with the boy. "I--"

"Shizuo, you should come over today!"

"What?" Shizuo and Izaya chorused.

"We can have an art session or something. Either way, we should really all hang out together." 

Izaya looked like he was about to begin hissing in contempt. The bell rang, and Shizuo groaned.

"Off to English," Izaya seemed to continue the brunette's thought. So he didn't like Miss Godkins either? Thank God.

Kida insisted on confirming the brunette's invitation even as Izaya dragged him away. "Shizuo! After school, meet us by the bike rack, okay?!"

"But--!"

"OKAY, SEE YOU THERE!" Kida waved and he finally relented to the raven's tug, turning and heading out of the cafeteria.

Shizuo sighed, but couldn't explain the small smile left on his face. Relenting to Kida's requests couldn't be so bad, plus he could finally get to know Izaya once and for all.

"So what did they want?" Tom asked as the trio made their way back to the table, grabbing their belongings. Shizuo stood up, passing a hand through his unruly hair.

"Not much, just my lunch money," the brunette explained as Vorona elbowed him in the ribs. He grinned as he held the door open for the girls, but slammed it shut in front of Tom.

"Shizuo," Tom warned, grasping the handle from the inside to no avail. Shizuo easily kept it shut with the force of a single hand, despite Tom pulling with all of his might of the other side. The brunette abruptly let go and Tom ended up on the floor. 

"Damn, Shizuo," Shizuo helped a grinning Tom get up from the linoleum floor. "You're really strong."

"Eh, you think so?"

...

Shizuo arrived at his English classroom and penetrated an atmosphere of dread. 

The brunette took his seat near the front, and was surprised to have Izaya turn towards him. Izaya sat immediately in front of him, similar to Algebra II, but Shizuo was accustomed to a lack of acknowledgement.

"Shizuo, you think she's really going to give out a pop quiz?"

The brunette sat wide-eyed for a second, a complete deer in headlights. He looked around to make sure there weren't any other Shizuos he could be referring to, then replied, "I dunno. She likes making a lot of empty threats just so everyone can be scared."

The short Russian the students feared quickly shut the door. 

"Orihara!!"

"Yes, ma'am," Izaya replied sardonically. Shizuo had to stifle a laugh at his complete indifference towards the teacher.

"What is your essay going to be about?"

"...Essay?"

"YES, your essay."

"We're not writing essays, ma'am."

"PRECISELY!" 

Izaya sighed at the pointless dialogue before crouching over his paper. He seemed to be doodling mindlessly, aiming to distract himself until class ended.

Shizuo was about to do the same, and he silently pulled out his sketchpad. Feeling like a ninja, he flipped open the cover-- _clank_. The metal cover made contact with the wood desk, resonating throughout the classroom. 

Shit. 

"Heiwajima!!" 

The brunette jumped several inches off his chair. "Y-Yes, Miss Godkins?"

"May I see what you have there?"

Shizuo guiltily handed over his sketchpad to the stout woman, swallowing hard. He prepared to get chewed out.

"Why... may I just say, this artistry is remarkable! Excellent work, Heiwajima." The woman ruffled Shizuo's hair before gently setting the pad onto his desk. 

"Tch," she grabbed Izaya's doodle out from under him, ripping it to shreds. "I don't put up with thoughtless doodling in my class, Orihara. Shape up."

The raven nodded, an obvious look of fury painted on his face. Wait. Why did Shizuo get complimented and not--? Does Godkins not like Izaya?

"Hey," the brunette dared to tap Izaya on the shoulder.

He turned halfway, just enough to meet his eyes. "Yes?"

"I liked your drawing, if that helps."

"What?"

"I... saw a little of your drawing. The eyeball? It was really cool. Looked fairly accurate, too."

"...Thanks," Izaya finally answered. 

Shizuo slowly sat back in his chair, feeling somehow satisfied.

_So we can take the world back from the heart-attacked_  
_One maniac at a time we will take it back_  
_You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start_  
_So dance alone to the beat of your heart_  
_Hey young blood_  
_Doesn't it feel like our time is running out?_  
_I'm gonna change you like a remix_  
_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say as I post this chapter from inside my family's minivan... I can't stop thinking about this fic. Not joking - I have dreams about various plot bunnies playing out in _Letters for X_.  
>  Big thanks to my beta reader, Charm and all those who keep up with this fic (which is currently, what, five or six people?). I could care less about numbers, really. Lots of love and talk to you at the next update!


	5. Cortisol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen Death Note, Shizuo might ruin an important plot point for you! Don't say you weren't warned!  
> Shizuo goes over to Kida's house and stumbles upon what could be big trouble for Izaya.

The school day ended rather quickly, ten times faster than usual, as if there was a collective consciousness wishing to see what was planned for the end of it. 

Shizuo, however, felt quite conflicted. He was somehow excited at the idea of getting to know the two boys, but also anxious of being confined in a solitary (and most likely unmonitored) house. 

Well, if shit really did go wrong, his house was always next door. 

The brunette slowly rose from his seat in AP World History at the cue of the bell. Izaya approached him quietly, to Shizuo's un-surprise. He continued silently, meticulously arranging the contents of his backpack.

"Ready?" The raven asked, and Shizuo struggled to find words. He ended up clearing his throat uncomfortably and nodding, leading the way out of the classroom. 

Knowing Izaya was close behind him was somehow unnerving, and Shizuo walked at a faster pace to meet Kida, the sun who would brighten the atmosphere of the dark cloud. Was he scared of Izaya? Shizuo would admit there was a lack of understanding, but wasn't sure whether he was particularly eager to clear it up.

"Oiiii," Kasuka latched onto Shizuo as soon as he exited the main building. "Where are you going?"

The brunette glanced behind to make sure Izaya was still close behind, "To a friend's house. He lives next door, so we're still walking home together."

Kasuka nodded as the three approached the bike rack. A certain blonde was awaiting them, and he twirled over to hug the brunette. "Shizuo~"

Kasuka's face scrunched up at the display of affection Kida held for his older brother. "Are you gay?" The inquiry rang through the air unashamedly, and Izaya chuckled. 

"Bisexual," Kida corrected as he proceeded to hug Izaya. "Soooo, are we heading over?" 

"Sure," the brunette chirped, and the two arbitrarily led Kasuka and Shizuo to their own neighborhood. 

Shizuo wasn't sure how he should feel about Kida being bisexual. Was it a surprise? Not at all. But being faced with the fact in bold print is what instigated the thoughts--Shizuo didn't really care, honestly. He was raised Catholic but felt no dissent towards other sexualities. Shizuo was certain he was straight, and almost questioned it due to the fact that he had little to no romantic interest in a girl since Vorona. 

Did he like Vorona now...?

"Heeeere we are," the four strolled leisurely in front of the house to make a gentle stop at the driveway. Kasuka stopped only for a second before he swiped the keys from Shizuo's side pocket on his backpack, and proceeded into their home next door. 

Kida stood aghast, his jaw dropping as he saw Kasuka disappear into the house adjacent to his. "We're..."

"Uh huh," Shizuo and Izaya said harmoniously.

"NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS!!!" Kida danced wildly, victorious in his revelation. Izaya sighed and proceeded into Kida's house; apparently someone was already home or Kida left his house unlocked. 

Shizuo gulped, not sure whether he wanted to make this venture. He somewhat reluctantly followed Kida into the house, stepping carefully on the cobblestone path through the perfectly manicured lawn. 

...

The first half hour had been surprisingly disarming, save for the witchcraft display in a glass case and weaponry that often hung on the walls as decor. Otherwise, Kida's house was ... average. Kind of.

Kida had initially demanded that the three play spin the bottle, a demand which received vehement rejection from Shizuo and Izaya. The three were sitting in Kida's bedroom, which is more accurately described as an art studio, with the two boys idly observing the blonde's pout. Realizing that neither of them were going to budge, he relented. 

"Let's get some food," Kida scurried to his kitchen, stomping down the stairs, leaving the two boys sitting by his bed, staring. 

"He's much more calm at home," Shizuo remarked. 

Izaya regarded him clinically, and Shizuo almost felt violated: as if he were being looked into deeply, meticulously, thoroughly; the observer seemed to be lacking in any emotion or prejudice. 

"Yes," Izaya finally tore his gaze off the brunette to look out the doorway. Kida could be heard rustling through the kitchen, humming brightly. "He's rather unique."

Kida tiptoed back in with a box of Cheez-Its, quickly lying his head down onto Izaya's lap. He gestured to Izaya, and Izaya plopped a cracker into the blonde's mouth. 

The brunette smirked bitterly at Kida's intimacy with Izaya, not really sure why his reaction was such. 

"Shizuo, think fast!" 

Shizuo quickly came out of his trance to meet a Cheez-It cracker barreling towards his face. He caught it with his right hand, inserting it into his mouth. 

"No fair, you were supposed to have caught it with your mouth..." a familiar pout made its way back to Kida's countenance. 

"I'm not a trick animal," the brunette replied coolly. Kida giggled, and Shizuo dared to open his own mouth, leaning towards Izaya so he could feed him. 

Izaya scoffed. "You're not close enough for that," as he pushed the brunette's face away. 

Shizuo made a mental resolution to get that close to Izaya. Why? He wasn't entirely sure. It was if the challenge was now presented to him, offering the most mysterious yet glorious of prizes. 

He had accepted. 

"So, who wants to play some Rockband?" Kida now inquired, stretching his arms over his head. He seemed even more tranquil than before, and Shizuo got up, grinning.

"I think Kida's going to get a lesson from the master!"

"Nuh uh!" Kida jumped up and ran out of the bedroom, presumably towards his PS3. Shizuo looked at Izaya curiously, who had contented himself with closing his eyes and resting his head against Kida's mattress. 

Shizuo dared to break the silence, "If you wanna take a nap, you can, you know. Don't want to play with us?" He gestured outside the bedroom. 

Izaya slowly fluttered his eyes open, the remnant sunlight from the window furthering the lightness in his irises. His eyes seemed more like molten gold. "I'd rather not, I have terrible hand-eye coordination. Anyway--"

"Bullshit, Izaya! You're saying that NOW?" Kida's voice rang from the living room, proving that he, indeed, had super hearing. "I guess you suck at Pokémon, then!"

A light blush dusted Izaya's cheeks, and Shizuo struggled to hold back a laugh. He didn't think Izaya would be into Pokémon. "Shut up," Izaya hissed. "I meant to say that my father should be coming by to pick me up soon, so..."

"Oh... okay, then." The brunette stood there awkwardly for a long moment, scratching the back of his head. He began to walk out before declaring, "You, me, Pokémon match. Deal?"

Izaya smirked, and the expression was reflected by Shizuo. "Challenge accepted."

 _That makes the both of us,_ the brunette thought before finally exiting the room to join an eager Kida in playing Rockband. 

...

Izaya's father did not arrive for another hour, and Shizuo was painfully aware of each and every minute, and the fact that Izaya was pointedly avoiding the concept of spending time with the brunette. 

Shizuo was also shamefully amateurish compared to the likes of Kida, who consistently beat him time and time again in the video game. This didn't bother him, but the blatant disassociation on Izaya's part was. Kida didn't know this, however, as Izaya quietly waved goodbye to the both of them and rushed out to a beeping minivan in the front. The frown broke through Shizuo's countenance, almost becoming etched there. 

"What's wrong? You upset that you couldn't 'teach me a lesson'?"

"Nah. Though you are really, really good," Shizuo did a mini bow to prove his admiration, and Kida glowed, "I feel like Izaya doesn't like me."

"Ahhh, that robot? He'll come around in time. Don't worry about it."

"You think so?" Shizuo regarded him with hopeful eyes. 

"Pshhh, of course I do! I know him well, all too well..." Kida's voice trailed off gently, uneasily. His eyes widened in a frightened manner: he had unconsciously slipped. His self-control threatened to cave. 

"Too well?" Shizuo's curiosity was piqued. He hadn't sensed the grave danger of the little confession, and continued normally, sipping a soda he had gotten earlier.

"He's been a good friend of mine for only the past year, but... it feels a lot longer than that. I..." Kida seemed to get lost in the misty trail his thoughts were traveling, and the brunette didn't push him any further. Kida would tell him eventually, if Shizuo deserved to know at all. 

The brunette attempted to save him from drowning. "So, what do you want to--"

"I'm in love with him," Kida muttered. 

"..."

"Say something, Shizuo!"

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Anything! Something! Either way, I really need your help here!"

"You want me to help you? Like... confess?"

The blonde stammered, suddenly finding interest in the ground. "I-I guess..."

Shizuo looked at him sternly, assessing the damage done. "Kida, you're my friend. So I will."

Kida clapped happily, opening his mouth to say something, but Shizuo put a finger to his mouth. 

"Hang on," he murmured. Kida nodded, smiling intensely but trying hard to keep himself contained. Shizuo sighed, feeling helpless. How would he say this?

"What... are you going to do if he doesn't feel the same way?"

Kids nodded again, this time, solemnly. "I've already thought about that. Worst case scenario, I at least want him to know. I want it _out_ there, you know? He's my best friend. I feel like I'm lying by omission if I don't..."

"What do you mean?" Shizuo felt another curiosity spring up, this time much more intense and heart-clenching. He wanted to throw up at the sheer anxiety that spontaneously arose. "Does he like someone else?"

Kida snorted, "Not unless anime characters count as crushes."

The brunette's heart could keep beating. _Strange,_ he thought. "Haha, like who?"

Kida shrugged, looking up as if the answers were on the ceiling. "Lemme think, there's Ulquiorra, L, Itachi... He kinda likes Light, too, but thinks he's pretty stupid."

Shizuo scoffed, his inner otaku beginning to show. "What, could Izaya do it better?"

"You'd be surprised. He basically likes every sexy, super-intelligent antagonist there is. Though he would never admit the 'sexy' part since he claims to be asexual or whatever..." Kida rolled his eyes and then lit up at Shizuo. "Wait, you've seen Death Note?"

"Eh... I've refused to finish watching it after L died."

"What?! But you HAVE to finish it!!" Kida exclaimed frantically, turning on Crunchyroll on his living room flat screen. 

"I actually don't," Shizuo laughed, yet he got comfortable in his spot, leaning heavily against the couch. 

And the two spent the night like that, discussing anime and art and a multitude of other shared interests, before falling asleep with anime still playing on the TV. Kasuka had to drag an unconscious Shizuo home around three in the morning. 

...

Shizuo stared blearily ahead of him, barely distinguishing reality from the inner workings of his mind. He snapped his head to the person sitting next to him, Kida, who had given up at life and had his head down on his desk. Shizuo scowled, witnessing his friend's downfall to the treacherous thing that called itself sleep. Rest in peace. 

So perhaps they made the mistake of sleeping over on a Wednesday. 

People were still filing into the classroom, with Shizuo almost having to carry Kida to their desks. A certain raven-haired boy came in moments later, and while assessing the two, narrowed his eyes. 

"You two stay up late watching anime?"

Shizuo giggled. "What's anime?"

"I could smell the otaku on you from a mile away. Don't even start," Izaya chastised, allowing a small smile to creep onto his face. No otaku could deny the delight of finding another of their kind.

The brunette shrugged. He stretched his hands far above his head, attempting to stimulate circulation, then allowed his hand to fall down heavily on the blonde's head. "Oi, wake the fuck up!" 

"Shizuo, why do you have to be so meeeeean," Kida sat up, teary-eyed. It was obvious this teariness was due to his exhaustion rather than Shizuo's cruel wake-up call. Shizuo chortled, obviously amused with himself.

Kida made eye contact with what looked like a concerned Izaya, then looked away. "Oh, hey there, you..."

"Hello, Kida. Is everything alright...?"

"Everything's freaking _dandy_."

Izaya raised an eyebrow and looked to Shizuo for assistance. A little more awake, Shizuo simply shrugged again, mouthing 'I dunno'. 

"I think... what Kida meant to say is, that the three of us need to have a really important... talk after school." Shizuo looked from Kida to Izaya to Kida again, attempting to delegate as best as he could. He hated being the wingman, the messenger, the matchmaker. But he was Kida's friend, and he had promised to help. 

"O...kay," Izaya agreed, looking even more confused. He turned to sit down in front of them when Kida grabbed Shizuo's collar murderously. 

"What are you doing?!" He hissed into the brunette's ear, but Shizuo could see that it was only fear that flowed through his system, not resentment. 

"I'm getting this over with. We need to figure things out." Shizuo recited calmly. Kida heaved a long sigh, unclenching his collar when the bell finally rang. 

"I hope you know what you're doing." Kida muttered. 

"Me too," Shizuo said even more quietly, though he doubted Kida could have heard him. 

Izaya looked behind him to meet Shizuo's eyes for a brief second, before turning away.

_Oh when I cut you off_  
_It was something that I had to do_  
_You can try to push it down_  
_But it’s always going to follow you_  
_And yeah if you close your eyes_  
_It doesn’t mean you fell asleep_  
_Oh and I could keep you out_  
_But you’re never really gonna leave_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy, guys. I see why readers gets so mad at authors now, lol... I was all, two chapters a week, whoo! I was WRONG, and I'm sorry for getting anyone's hopes up. I will strive for the once-a-week updates, however, because I'd like to be at a certain point before winter break starts (due to the current holiday break, you may see some miraculous next-day updates, so stay tuned). Thanks for the kudos aaaand my first comment from Eustassya! Thank you for reading :) and Happy Thanksgiving!


	6. Carpe Diem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confession time and its aftermath.

SHIZUO: Is everyone online?

KIDAKAWAII: Yep~

IZAYA: Mhm.

Shizuo cracked the knuckles on both hands, preparing to type up a storm. Why is he doing this online? Being on the computer like this was... in short, his element. He found out over the past week that it was Kida's element, too. The blonde enjoyed going online, writing fanfiction especially.

Earlier that day, Shizuo had walked home with Kida from school.

"So...how do you want to do this?" Shizuo broke the silence that the two had been in since math class. Kida seemed slightly upset and Shizuo was in deep, contemplative thought about the task ahead of them.

"DocX," Kida concluded.

There was a short silence. "What?"

"I mean, Google Docs." The two stopped in front of the driveway of Shizuo's home. "Izaya and I go on all the time. It'll be another ordinary conversation." The blonde beamed at what he thought to be the obvious mastery of the art of subtlety.

"Yeah, one where you tell him you're _in love_ with him. That'll blow over just fine." The brunette scolded.

Kida pouted, allowing his emotions to show. "Shizuo..."

The Shizuo in question sighed in defeat. "What do you guys usually do on there, anyway?"

"Uhm... just write stories, chat. Izaya helps fix my stories especially; my roughdrafts are always such shit."

And so, Shizuo was now attempting to facilitate this conversation in a minimal, off-to-the-side chat box on one of Kida's documents. This story was about a teenage girl who was psychic.

SHIZUO: Kida, just say what you need to say.

KIDAKAWAII: Okay... Well... Izaya.

IZAYA: Yes, Kida?

KIDA: I love you.

KIDA: My lovely robot, looking at you is akin to looking at my own reflection. We're so alike, it baffles me to think that we've known each other for only a year. I wish to spend the rest of my life with you, and can only hope that you feel the same way towards me.

Izaya didn't reply for what seemed like a long moment.

IZAYA: Aah, Kida... you're referring to me in the romantic sense, aren't you?

Shizuo held his breath, feeling torn. He wanted Izaya to accept, say yes, and take Kida's heart; the heart that was now cut open for everyone to see. At the same time, the idea... made Shizuo go cold. His own emotions were blasphemy enough, so Shizuo vowed to keep silent.

At least, in _that_ chat box.

The brunette's fingers worked on their own. A new tab was opened on the screen, and Shizuo keyed carefully.

SHIZUO: Izaya?

IZAYA: Yes, Shizuo?

SHIZUO: ...So?

IZAYA: So... what?

SHIZUO: So what are you going to say?

IZAYA: What do you think?

SHIZUO: ...

SHIZUO: I don't know.

IZAYA: Yes, Kida, let's get married and grow old together--really?

IZAYA: He's...a friend. I have feelings for him in the platonic sense, and nothing more.

SHIZUO: Aah.

Shizuo sighed a breath of relief, but then tensed at the thought of Kida's incoming misery. He wasn't sure how the blonde could handle the rejection.

He clicked onto the other tab.

IZAYA: Kida, I'm sorry. I only have feelings for you platonically. 

Silence. No activity for five, ten minutes. Shizuo watched the minutes tick by anxiously. 

IZAYA: You are my closest friend.

KIDA: That's more than fine, robot! ~<3

SHIZUO: Are you sure you're okay, Kida...?

KIDA: I'm fine!

Shizuo could almost feel the large tears rolling down the blonde's cheeks, and cringed. He attempted to continue the idle conversation that took place afterwards, but felt extreme guilt. After ten minutes, Kida stopped responding.

SHIZUO: Kida.

SHIZUO: Kida!

IZAYA: Kida...?

Shizuo cursed, staring up at the ceiling in contempt. He flinched as thunder clapped and rain began to violently hit the house, the yard, the street. That happened so often in this damned city.

The brunette slipped on a raincoat, and ran outside. He was careful not to slip on the wet pavement as he hurriedly assessed Kida's house. The two houses were similar in designs, so Shizuo could infer what windows belonged to what bedroom. Only one had illumination, and that was presumably, Kida's room.

The light went off. "Damn it," Shizuo muttered, and all he could do was stare. What other option did he have?

"You _could_ just walk in the front door."

The brunette turned to his right, wide-eyed at the presence that had quietly stepped up besides him. His cheeks burned, and he struggled to say, "Iz-Izaya...?"

"The one and only heartbreaker," Izaya smirked halfheartedly, his eyes glowing even through the downpour. He donned another leather jacket with no hood, so his hair was soaked. It seemed longer.

Shizuo was not sure what had happened, whether he was trying to move forward or just be a klutz, but he ended up slipping and falling on his ass. This provided some humor for Izaya, who couldn't resist chuckling at the sight of the lanky brute. Izaya walked quietly to the front door, trying the knob to find it was unlocked as usual. He quickly glanced at Shizuo, as if he wanted the brunette to take notes, then proceeded inside.

Shizuo struggled to stand on the slippery sidewalk and scurried into the house. The rubber soles of his boots squeaked shrilly on the hardwood floor. Izaya, cringing in the absolute darkness, put both his hands on the other's shoulders.

"Shoes, off." Shizuo gaped at Izaya for a few seconds, not comprehending. "Now. You're going to scare him."

The urgency of the situation dawned on Shizuo. "What about his p--"

"Parents?" Izaya's voice was a baritone whisper now, gradually moving farther away from Shizuo as Izaya lugged off his boots. "Almost never here. They work swing shifts back in the city."

"Aah," squeaked Shizuo as he followed suit, throwing his shoes off. He moved forward, barely seeing in the dark, trying to recall the exact location of the staircase.

Izaya was familiar with the place, much more than Shizuo, and he began silently padding up the steps. Sensing the activity, Shizuo again followed him up to Kida's bedroom. The two were met with the sight of an unidentifiable ball of sheets close to the edge of the mattress, moonlight pouring into the space, illuminating the dust specks that flew about, provoked by the air conditioning.

"Tch," Shizuo growled, moving from behind Izaya and crawling onto the bed, hovering over the mass. He unsheathed the blankets to find a puffy-faced Kida, obviously upset but unconscious. His lower lip occasionally quivered, and Shizuo smirked as he pulled headphones out of his ears. They were on full blast, with Amy Lee singing _Bring Me to Life_. The brunette proceeded with straightening out the blonde, placing his head on a nearby pillow and tucking him in. Shizuo placed the mp3 on the nightstand before getting up.

"...Done like a true mother." Izaya spoke. Shizuo blushed slightly.

"My younger brother falls asleep like that a lot," the brunette remarked somewhat defensively.

Izaya assessed Kida's sleeping person for a long moment. He sighed, waving Shizuo off.

Shizuo quietly closed the door, leaving with Izaya. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"You're not going to... you know, talk to him?"

"What am I supposed to say?" Izaya's fierce eyes challenged him. "That we can stay friends?" The boy used air quotes to get across the impossible concept of "staying friends".

"Yeah?" Shizuo struggled to understand. "What's so hard about that? You don't like him back. Boo-hoo. He'll get over you."

"No, he won't," Izaya muttered, looking back at Kida's door again.

Shizuo pursed his lips. Izaya was probably right, having known Kida so much longer.

The two went down the stairs, and Shizuo listened. "The rain stopped."

"Really? The walk home won't be so bad now."

"Do you live close by?"

Izaya smirked as he slipped his feet back into his boots. "You'd like to know, hnn."

"Does Kida really... I mean, you two could--"

"He's nothing more than a broken doll now. Used to be entertaining. Then _this_ had to come up."

They were now out the front door. Shizuo took care to lock the door behind them. "Is that how you see people?"

"Others deserve more than that?"

Shizuo shrugged, not really understanding Izaya's mind, or how he thought, or anything that went on between him and Kida.

Izaya began walking away. Shizuo called out, "Wait!"

The raven looked back, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Yes, Shizuo?"

"Maybe... I can... you know, fill in for that... entertainment. Let me know."

Izaya only smirked, waving as he turned his back and skipped into the darkness.

Shizuo could only stare, biting on his lip, tearing apart the skin with his teeth in the semi-nervous manner he always did. The iron flavor of his own blood seeped onto his tongue, and additional raindrops forming a steady drizzle signalled Shizuo to finally seek shelter. He wondered how Izaya would get home in the rain, and worried about not only him, but the unconscious Kida in the house next to his.

...

Kida didn't show up to school the next day. This was evident from the gaping hole he left in the art classroom, and the atmosphere took a toll. It didn't necessarily become depressing or melancholy, but was empty without Kida's voice, the sunshine he helped to create in the room. 

Leaving Shinra and Erika to the task was amusing in and of itself. Erika was insistent that Shizuo knew where he had gone, but the brunette was left in the cold as well.

"Maybe he just took a sick day, guys! Being absent for one day isn't something to get to get so worked up about," Shizuo whined, as Shinra and Erika hovered over him in a tangible suspicion. 

Erika narrowed her eyes, bending down so her face was level with the seated boy. "You _know_ something. Tell us."

Shizuo made a sound from his throat, a combination of a growl with the meaning of "Enough." 

Shinra, having been mostly in silence during the interrogation, tugged his friend. "Maybe he truly knows nothing," he suggested kindly. Shizuo exhaled in relief. 

The junior pharmacist silently pinched the brunette's forearm, eliciting a nerve response that made Shizuo slam his fist into the table. The table was dented in a hand-shaped circle, and Erika clapped giddily. "So the rumors are true!"

"What the hell?" Shizuo wasn't sure whether to blame Shinra or himself for the incident. Then he recalled Erika's response. "And what rumors?" He quickly stood up from his chair, attempting a murderous glare. 

Erika shrugged. "People say you're like the Hulk! But, you know, without the muscles on steroids and the nasty green tone. I guess someone saw you throw a bicycle? Or was it a kid? No, it was a kid on a bicycle--"

Shinra was observant, watching Shizuo crinkle his eyebrows, searching through his memory. "I dunno what you're spouting off about, but don't spread it around."

"Do you really not remember? I believe the boy in question was bothering your younger brother."

Shizuo stared at Shinra until the gears clicked. Oh, no. It was a week ago when it happened: Shizuo couldn't find Kasuka as usual when school let out, and broke into a panic trying to find him. He ran back to his seventh period, circled the campus, and finally found him by the bike rack. Kasuka's nose was bloodied, and he was crumpled in a corner as several other boys surrounded him. The ringleader was on his bike, goading Kasuka by chafing his front tire on his victim's head, snickering cruelly. Shizuo could only remember blackness after that point until he was carrying Kasuka home on his back. His blood boiled at the thought of those boys. 

"How'd you know what happened?" Shizuo turned the suspicion onto Shinra, and he simply smiled. 

"I know a good informant." 

Erika snickered at this, and she was already scribbling notes down into her little, leather-bound journal. 

Shizuo sighed. "I don't know what happened to Kida. Just leave me the hell alone." He sat in his chair and did his best to imitate a master painter, carefully stroking the angled canvas with a paintbrush. 

...

"Where's Kida?"

"Well, this is an interesting development." Izaya didn't bother to look up from his book, _Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Volume One_ , as he spoke. "Didn't think you'd actually hold up to your promise of entertainment."

"What promise?" Shizuo inquired, momentarily getting distracted. "No, that's not what I meant to say. Where's Kida?"

"He does this, you know." Izaya slowly turned the page, eyeing the brunette through narrowed lids. Shizuo stood defensively on the opposite side of the lunch table, hands pressed on the surface as if he were preparing to lift it. "Gets upset, won't go to school for awhile, then shows up fine and dandy soon after. This isn't much different."

The brunette ran a hand through his hair, trying to think calmly. He sat down before muttering, "You need to speak with him."

"Like hell I'm doing that."

"Seriously? But--"

"Just who do you think you are, Heiwajima? Patching up relationships and offering counsel to whoever asks for it?" He paused for a second, lowering his book. "Or doesn't ask for it."

"Shut up. You, me, DocX, tonight. I'll get Kida on somehow."

"Not interested." Izaya lifted his book back to his face as a barrier.

"You might look at him as a toy, but he's still your friend. Your closest friend." The brunette spoke slowly, looking to hit a nerve. Izaya's eyebrows crinkled at the utterance of 'closest'. Silence ensued, and Shizuo took it as leeway to continue. 

"Let me try doing this. It's my fault you guys are like this right now anyway. Please."

"Owning up, Shizuo? Good. You're right; you were an idiot to encourage him with this folly."

Shizuo shrugged. "My fault."

Izaya closed his book, staring at the boy. It was devoid of emotion, even the frustration Shizuo was expecting. Izaya began to open his mouth, when Shizuo interjected, "You should eat something."

Not what Izaya was expecting. 

"What are you, my mother?"

Shizuo grinned. "I'm pretty good at it. Come on. Food's good for you."

"Are you kidding? The selection here is abysmal."

"You should eat."

"No," Izaya chanted indignantly.

"Come oooon, you can cut with me. I spy my friends at the takeout line over there. Come on."

Shizuo studied the raven for a moment. He almost seemed bewildered at the suggestion, but not completely shaken, just surprised. Izaya rolled his eyes before standing up, gesturing towards the lines of students. Shizuo laughed in triumph before filing in with the students, Izaya right behind him. 

"I can't stand you, Shizuo." He shot a venomous look at the brunette's back. Shizuo spun around to face him, unaffected.

Shizuo grinned, and Izaya found it to be a stupid grin, but one that persuaded him to put down Sherlock, nevertheless. "I guess you could say the same for me. Did you do the English homework?"

...

Twilight was upon Seattle, and Shizuo frowned as he stared at the gray-painted door. It was the door belonging to Kida's house, and he so desperately wanted to knock, but felt unwelcome. What kind of friend was he? Having Kida confess to Izaya what he's held in for a year now only to see his own heart crushed? Shizuo was a sucky wingman. 

He looked around, confident that their nonexistent neighbors wouldn't expect anything fishy, but still felt guilty. The sky was a molten orange, a gradient that morphed to red by the horizon. 

Shizuo turned the knob, pushing the door open. 

Silence reigned in the house, and an unusual chill set in the air. The brunette shut the door behind him. The air conditioning was on full blast, circulating what smelled to be lavender. Shizuo took his time climbing up the stairs, then proceeded to knock at Kida's bedroom door. 

A bleary-eyed Kida stood behind the flamboyant purple that acted as a barrier to his personal space. 

"Come in," Kida crooned as Shizuo stood there awkwardly, unsure. Kida seemed to take no issue with the apparent breaking in on Shizuo's part, probably because Kida knew of his forgetfulness when it came to security. 

"Hi," Shizuo murmured, keeping his voice gentle, soothing, careful not to provoke any emotion. 

Kida gave a halfhearted smile; it was a sad echo of what he used to be capable of. "Hi."

The two sat there, staring at one another; Kida eventually closed his eyes, leaning his head back against his mattress. Shizuo scowled. 

"If you're here to convince me that I should talk to Izaya, it's a no-go, bro." Kida murmured with a smirk. 

Shizuo gaped. "Am I that transparent?" Kida chuckled at the remark before the brunette continued. "I don't think you--"

"Every time we talked today, it ended in an argument. Before this, we'd been falling into similar fights and difficulties... this might have been inevitable, you know." Kida glanced towards his cell phone on the windowpane. 

Surprise crept into Shizuo's countenance; he hadn't expected Izaya to call Kida. Or initiate communication in general, after his refusal at lunch. "...What do you mean?"

"I think our friendship is over."

_Don't panic, no, not yet_  
_I know I'm the one you want to forget_  
_Cue all the love to leave my heart; it's time for me to fall apart_  
_I will sing to you everyday_  
_If it will take away the pain_  
_Oh, and I heard you got it, got it so bad; 'cause I am the best you'll never have_  
_Baby, you were my picket fence, I miss missing you now and then_  
_Chlorine-kissed summer skin_  
_I miss missing you now and then_  
_Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger_  
_The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger, oh_  
_I miss missing you now and then_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I might have not updated since Thanksgiving! Oops. Ily you guys. 
> 
> Charm has yet to beta this chapter, so it's pretty much in its raw form. I'll make sure to comb it over so it's perfectly polished soon. 
> 
> Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.


	7. Rhapsody in Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight kinda happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. (If there’s any of you even left reading! So sorry!) This year, honestly, has been extremely hard on me. Please forgive me for my unannounced sabbatical from this work; when I last updated (Jan ‘15), I did not intend on finishing this. But I realized it would be unfair if I didn’t finish for a certain person reading this, the one I dedicated this work to.  
> Please point out any plot inconsistencies/redundancies, I’ve lost track due to a couple of reasons: 1) this has been out of my mind for more than a year, and 2), I’m not sure where the physical journal I’ve devoted to planning this _is_. Hopefully I find it soon and it’ll help get me back on track.

Kida didn’t show up the next day, either.

When Shizuo left his house in the morning with Kasuka to go to Cram, he stood in his neighbor’s driveway for a second, grimacing. What could he be feeling? Wasn’t there anything Shizuo could do, damn it? He felt useless.

“Shizuo,” Kasuka called to him from dozens of feet away on the concrete.

“Coming.” The lanky brunette murmured, silently praying that Kida would be at school. 

He was disappointed to find that the energetic blonde would fail to make an entrance in his Art II class. Shinra and Erika still seemed suspicious, but at least relented in their creepy methods of interrogation. Erika kept scribbling into her leather-bound notebook whenever she got the chance, however. Shizuo got the feeling that many lewd mentions of him were in there, solidifying his desire to _stay far away_ from Erika.

…

At lunch, the brunette couldn’t help but stare at Izaya at his solitary table. Conversation felt stagnant amongst his elementary friends; they discussed things superficially, happily, but rarely diverged or went in-depth on a topic. 

Shizuo nudged Vorona next to him. She was quite close, almost snuggled to his side, and he could clearly distinguish the now-familiar scent of her perfume. Her hazel, multi-colored, vibrant eyes, crinkled with laughter, flickered at him. “What is it, Shizuo?"

Shizuo cleared his throat. “I think I’m going to sit with Izaya. Kida’s gone, and probably will be for awhile. I think he could use some company.”

The girl swiveled around, her caramel hair bouncing in soft ringlets, to peer at Izaya, who was engrossed with the second volume of _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes._

“If that’s what you want,” she said, pursing her lips. “Just come back if he makes you uncomfortable, okay?”

The brunette had already gotten up, gathering his things, not really seeking the girl’s permission. He didn’t fully register her comment, only nodding to acknowledge that she spoke; his focus was concentrated on Izaya.

Shizuo clumsily slid into the attached seat on the opposite side of Izaya’s table. The long table shook, vibrated, and shifted to accommodate another human imposing on its structure.

Shizuo grinned at the boy, who refused to look up from his novel. After a long moment, he sighed, still not moving his eyes.

“Can I help you, Mr. Heiwajima?”

“I don’t know, _can_ you?”

The raven-haired boy slightly pulled the book down, revealing a severely irritated countenance. Shizuo stifled his childish laughter, and it only seemed to annoy the boy more. Somehow, Izaya’s glare felt like it was reaching out and tickling Shizuo’s body, eliciting butterflies in the stomach, chills that ran up the spine. _How electrifying._

“Buzz off,” warned Izaya quickly, trying to focus on Sherlock.

“Jeez, you could at least say ‘hello’.”

Izaya gave an even bigger sigh. In a defeated manner, he slammed the book on the table, directing a pair of fiery eyes at the brunette. “Listen up, protozoan.”

“...What’d you just call me?”

“I’m not interested in you. I don’t want to be your friend. I’m not going to act like your friend. I refuse to be buddy-buddy with you simply because we have a mutual contact, because we share certain classes, because we go to the same school. Now cease and desist, before I report you for bullying.” Izaya picked up his book again, leafing through the pages to find his previous spot.

 _Ouch_ , Shizuo thought. He stayed silent through that mini-rant, staring at the boy. Either way, Izaya had absolutely enchanting eyes. Shizuo would be satisfied to look at them regardless of what Izaya was saying; he enjoyed what felt like intimate, close attention.

“Eh, but my friends… they’re kinda boring right now. I figured we could talk about something different.”

Izaya only raised an eyebrow behind his novel. “I’m surprised you say that with your girlfriend constantly feeling you up over there. Not any good?”

Shizuo’s cheeks instantly heated up, and he suddenly looked back and forth from Izaya to Vorona. “She-she’s not my girlfriend. What the hell? Where are you making this bullshit up?”

“Oh-ho, did I hit a nerve there?” Izaya smirked. “I’m sure she misses you, judging by her constant glaring in my direction. Now make like a good lover boy and leave.”

“What’s your fucking problem, Izaya?” Shizuo stood up angrily, leaning over the table to get closer to the boy’s face. “Do you _have_ to be so critical and sarcastic and mean all the time?”

“Why, yes, I do,” replied the raven in monotone.

“ _Why?!_ ” Shizuo shouted.

Izaya shot the raging brunette an incredulous look, slowly putting down his book. It wasn’t that Shizuo was yelling, turning red in the face, or even that he was poised to fight. It was simply the question of _why_. No one usually bothered to ask that question, no one wanted to know _why_.

“Why, hnn…” The smirk returned, gracing the pale face that boldly challenged Shizuo. “It brings me enjoyment. People do not matter to me, and you, Shizuo Heiwajima, have managed to sink into total oblivion in those loving terms. You think you’re so righteous, so innocent, so genuine, kindhearted, acting like you give a shit about everyone, even the slightest stranger. You’re a naive idiot who thinks he can magically fix all things, I hate you, I hate you, I _hate_ you, go away. And in case you couldn’t get it through your thick skull, that means right now.” 

Izaya’s volume had steadily increased as he spoke, drawing the attention of those around him. Shizuo’s friends were intently watching the dialogue as Shizuo grabbed the front of the raven-haired boy’s shirt, lifting him off the seat by several inches.

A vein throbbed in the left side of Shizuo’s forehead, and he growled menacingly, slowly losing control of his temper. “You don’t mean that... take it back.”

“Monsters like you don’t need niceties.” Izaya hissed, right before quickly pulling out a switchblade that he slashed across Shizuo’s chest. Shizuo relinquished his grip out of shock as crimson began to soak his clothes. Izaya smirked, pausing momentarily to evaluate his handiwork before spinning to run out of the cafeteria.

“IZAAAYAAAAAAA!!” Shizuo bellowed, running after the boy. 

…

Shizuo found himself in the men’s restroom adjacent to the gym, inspecting the slash across his chest in the mirror. He slid off his polo to reveal a somewhat muscular build, broad shoulders, defined pectorals, and a few visible lines denoting abs. He was always shy when it came to revealing his body around others, regardless of whether he would be perceived as attractive or not. This time, he needed medical attention; anyone could walk into the restroom and it would not stop his task.

The cut ran from his left breast, right above his nipple, down diagonally to the right side of his midsection. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding,” he groaned. Sighing, he began to tear up his dark blue polo. He rinsed a piece with water and began applying pressure to different areas of the cut. Fortunately, it barely hurt, and there wasn’t too much blood.

 _That got out of hand_ , Shizuo thought quietly. After running out of the cafeteria and chasing Izaya for 10-15 minutes around the quad, the brunette finally gave further notice to his blood-soaked self. Izaya quickly scurried out of sight as soon as he looked away.

Shizuo debated whether or not an apology was in order. He didn’t have to grab Izaya like that… but at the same time, Izaya provoked _him_. Self-righteous? What? Then he says Shizuo is kindhearted?

 _He hates me_ … Only the occasional droplet of water from a leaky faucet in the restroom could provide him with any comfort, the rhythmic dripping like his slowing heartbeat. The brunette’s anger may have faded, but it was still present, capable of being fed and grown. It convinced his good nature to step down, to allow depravity for the sole purpose of payback. 

Shizuo pulled out a spare hoodie he kept in his backpack after tying a ripped section of his former polo around the wound. He zipped up the hoodie over his bare chest, washed his hands, and glared at his reflection as if Izaya were hiding behind the piece of glass. 

_I hate him, too._

…

Izaya, strangely enough, was not present in Shizuo’s English class when he staggered in late with a stinging injury.

He was suddenly absent from all the subsequent classes, and Shizuo felt worried, incessantly picturing what Izaya could be doing, where he was, how he felt. Had he hurt his feelings? The feelings of the boy he had been trying so hard to get to know, the person he was inexplicably drawn to? Shizuo gave up on his pride, persuading himself that he needed to apologize. Anything to make up for the loss of control with his temper, anything to instigate more time with this fascinating person.

Seventh period came agonizingly, as if time were programmed to pass slowly if Izaya was gone, if Shizuo’s sole subject of interest vanished. When it ended, Shizuo intended upon finding Izaya, if he was somewhere on campus.

Kasuka approached him when he came out of the hallway, a deeply worried look on his face. “...I heard you got into a fight today.”

Shizuo cringed, scratching the back of his head. “Uhm, I would call it more of a chase.”

His younger brother sniffed, eyeing his chest. “You smell like blood.” He sniffed again. “And sweat.”

“Why don’t you head on home without me? While there are a lot of people out. I’m gonna stay here for another 20 minutes or so, I need to meet up with someone.”

Kasuka stared at him intently, scrutinizing the request, Shizuo’s appearance, his voice, everything in that moment. He lowered his eyes and began walking away. “Better be home soon, or I’m telling Mom.”

“Thanks, Kasu!” Shizuo called out to him. Kasuka waved dismissively and headed to the front of the school. 

Shizuo scowled, muttering a prayer that Kasuka would be kept safe on the walk home. Usually he would never leave his brother alone, even for the short distance; the anger in his chest swelled at the thought of the biker kids taunting him. If that ever happened again, ooh--if those boys only knew what was coming for them was exponentially worse than their first encounter with Shizuo.

Shizuo hobbled around the campus, feeling worse as time went on. His cut was beginning to feel wet, likely due to his excessive movement. Nearing the bike rack, he figured it was vain to continue searching, and turned around to begin his trek home. His ears perked at an all-too-familiar tone.

“You _idiots_.”

“We’re sorry, Izaya, it was just--”

“That’s Mr. Orihara to you, you primitive screwheads.”

A swift movement was made, and the speaker grunted upon impact, as if in pain.

“I _told_ you, the purpose of the altercation was to incite Shizuo, not harm his sibling. Yet you go ahead anyway! You act like bloodthirsty morons, and what happens? You get the shit beaten out of you because you crossed the line! And you all--” Another grunt. “--want--” A muffled squeal. “--raises!” A definite shout of pain. “How illogical.”

Shizuo crouched by the exterior wall of the building, hoping that the thick masonry would shield him from exposure. His eyes were wide and his mind replayed the conversation. What was happening? Why is Izaya in control of others like this? Kasuka? Did he--

“We’ll do better next time! We swear! Just let us--”

“There won’t be a next time.”

Silence was Izaya’s only reply, and his voice dropped to a low growl. “Be glad that I am a generous god, and do not wish to punish you. However, your compensation will be withheld. Have a nice day.”

“But--”

“Leave.”

Multiple footsteps scuffled away, indicating the presence of three, four, even five people, despite the fact that only one person spoke. Shizuo struggled to keep his breathing even, and winced in pain. _Crap. I think I might have lost too much blood…_

All too fast, Shizuo’s muscles tingled as he lost conscious control over his body. He sank to the floor, scraping his back against the brick wall. He groaned loudly, forgetting his location, and caught a glimpse of his favorite chocolate eyes before the darkness swallowed him whole.

_In a slumber where no one can wake me from_  
_The scent of her skin still haunts my lungs_  
_Where the moon never leaves her eyes_  
_Here's a toast to another endless night_  
_It's a feeling in my bones_  
_A carousel for two that no ones knows_  
_What a twist_  
_When we kiss I feel sick_  
_Any moment I could wake without your lips_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone else laughing at Izaya right now? I am. I can't take the whole villain thing. I just _had_ to include the "primitive screwhead" remark, though. Had to. Wasn't that great?!
> 
> Don't worry too much, Izaya isn't going to be big and bad for too long. He's just messing around for the most part, and if he's lucky, Shizuo might wake up and not remember that much ;)


	8. Origami Lacerations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FOUND MY JOURNAL :D  
> You know that glorious feeling when you put on a pair of pants and find money in one of the pockets? Even if it’s just a dollar. Well, _that just happened except it’s not money, it’s an entire **chapter** and I’m ecstaaaatic asdfghjkl;_  
>  No, I did not find the chapter in a pair of worn-out jeans, but let’s just say my handy-dandy notebook had more than a few surprises.

…

His face, his immaculate, idyllic face--could he ever comprehend just how damn perfect his face was?--stared intently at Shizuo. A stupid grin slowly made its way on Shizuo’s face, because just seeing the boy made him genuinely happy, giddy, joyous. 

In most circumstances, Izaya’s eyes were dark. To those not familiar with his heart, his unique and beautiful love, emotion, expression, they could seem cold and distant. But Shizuo never felt that way upon gazing into those eyes; he only felt attracted, the pulsating bond connecting the two of them growing ever so stronger and tighter, forcing him to follow; he only felt Izaya’s eyes offered a mystery, an enigma, daring onlookers to climb the wall, burst through the fortress, defeat his impeccably constructed defenses and satisfy themselves with the precious jewels that lay within. 

This happened to be a lucky scenario, as Izaya laid on Shizuo’s left side on the mattress. Adjacent to the bed was a shuttered window, its blinds somewhat closed but permitting the gentlest rays of sunlight inside. Dawn was approaching, and neither of the boys had yet to sleep, too enamored with each other to rest. But as Izaya looked at Shizuo, the generous sunlight permitted the brunette to appreciate the divine details in one of Izaya’s many lovable features, his irises.

The warm color of brown was of a deep intensity, the hue itself magnificent and multi-dimensional, with black and golden flecks emphasizing the complex nature of not only the raven’s body, but his mind. 

“Wow,” Shizuo breathed, and Izaya slightly raised his eyebrows in a silent confusion, wanting to know the source of the brunette’s sudden admiration. (Izaya guessed it was likely himself, but _what_ of him would be nice to know.)

There were so many statements Shizuo could make, right at that moment. Just to explain that “wow”, to give justification to the hypnotic trance that Shizuo could never stop falling under, the siren-like quality of Izaya.

Shizuo laid on his side, facing Izaya, wearing only boxers. He couldn’t resist blushing whenever he noticed Izaya’s eyes slowly taking him in, paying special attention to different areas of his body. Did it bother Shizuo? Not at all. But his modest nature could not permit him to forego any embarrassment, always getting flustered whenever Izaya made an advance towards him, or if Izaya was visibly _considering_ it among other desires. At this moment, Izaya slowly raked his eyes down Shizuo’s neck, his chest, his stomach, down further…

Shizuo’s cheeks were burning now, and he bit his bottom lip in anticipation. Would Izaya make the first move this time? Did he notice Shizuo’s growing need barely sheathed by his boxers? Of course he did. It was just a matter of moves. Izaya liked to play.

Izaya grinned, and the facial expression was a rare sight, as he thought his true smiles were unattractive. Izaya almost always smirked, unless the happiness he was experiencing didn’t give him the time nor self-control to restrain it in any manner. Shizuo liked to think that Izaya experienced a considerable amount of that unbearable joy while in his presence, in private, intimate moments like this. He hoped that was the case, hoped that he only brought Izaya pleasure, happiness, warmth.

Izaya reached out to him, the two boys barely more than an arm’s width apart. His long, thin fingers traced the muscles visible in Shizuo’s abdomen, slowly spiraling around.

“Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo let out a sharp exhale, his anticipation pushing him to a state of total want and desire, nearly incomprehensible of regular dialogue. “Y-yeah?”

Izaya giggled at his slight stutter, and slid closer to Shizuo, enveloping him in warmth as he continued his slow tease. “You know, in technical terms, I’m not even touching you right now?”

Shizuo smiled, closing his eyes. “Is that so?”

“Mhm…” Izaya placed one of his hands on Shizuo’s hip, his thumb playing with the elastic of the boxers. The other hand continued his slow caress, moving ever so slightly down, down further. “Basically, my atoms hate your atoms. What we interpret as the feel of each other’s skin pressed on our own is, in actuality, the repelling forces of the atoms against one another.”

“...Oh! Like mosquitoes.” 

“What?” Izaya exclaimed amid laughter, stopping all his caressing and scooting back.

Shizuo growled, dissatisfied at the lack of contact. He almost pulled the raven to him until he found the scant willpower available to clear his throat and reply, “Like… when you go camping.”

Izaya was silent for a short moment before scoffing. “...Are you comparing our moment to bug repellant, Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo huffed. “You said it, not me.” Izaya laughed again, the sound like bells, alluring in its own right. Not being able to resist, he pulled Izaya close to him, wrapping his arms around the lithe body. He was a little surprised to find that Izaya had an erection as it was pressed up against Shizuo’s upper thigh. 

“If you eat enough bananas,” Izaya continued inside Shizuo’s firm grasp, his voice low, “a little over five thousand, a radioactive atom could launch into my body from yours.” Shizuo kept one arm around Izaya’s waist and ran through the other boy’s hair with his fingers, gently touching his neck. "Then I would proudly say we actually, legitimately touched..." Izaya trembled a little at Shizuo touching his neck; he craned his neck in response, inviting Shizuo to touch more. The brunette stroked with his fingers before cupping the side of his face, bringing him even closer.

“You’ll have to excuse me as I continue ‘not’ touching you,” Shizuo murmured before enclosing his lips around Izaya’s. A low hum sounded from Izaya, likely indicating both approval and pleasure as he wrapped his arms around Shizuo’s neck. 

Izaya immediately allowed Shizuo entrance into his mouth, and their tongues fought for dominance as always before Shizuo gave way to Izaya. He gingerly explored Shizuo’s hot mouth and Shizuo simply revelled in the feeling of Izaya, slowly moving his lips. Shizuo placed both hands on the sides of his face, entangling his fingers in the boy’s thick ebony locks; Izaya intertwined his legs with Shizuo, pressing their erections together.

Shizuo loved this. They didn’t need to go any further to satisfy him; feeling Izaya’s hot body against his was enough, his lips on his own blissful and sweet. It was exciting to know that Izaya wanted him in the same manner he wanted Izaya, to know that their interactions were mutual in every single way, that they could be a shelter for the other among steaming heat and heart-racing desire.

But he wanted to go further for Izaya. To prove his devotion, his faith, his trust in the person who opened up to him, to satisfy his partner, who needed Shizuo to meet his needs, his wants. 

Shizuo rolled, to where Izaya would be below him, and Shizuo straddled him, keeping their hips tightly pressed together. Izaya gasped, the motion sudden yet welcomed, adding to the blood-pumping want that coursed between them. Shizuo continued kissing him, more fervently, dominantly, vigorously. 

Izaya suddenly drew back, gasping again. “Shizu-chan…”

“I love you,” Shizuo said, quiet enough as to not disturb the daybreak, but with both their hearts pumping in their ears, their senses elevated, it was more than audible to the recipient of the confession.

Izaya’s eyes widened, ever so slightly, but damn it, Shizuo _saw_ these things. Those eyes belonged to Izaya, and Izaya belonged to Shizuo.

“Do you really?” He whispered, and Shizuo could only chuckle. Shizuo’s hands were at the elastic band of Izaya’s undergarment, no longer shy as he slid the clothes off and threw it aside.

“...Yeah,” Shizuo smiled at him before crushing Izaya’s lips, only to be met with an unexpected, equal intensity.

_I know you do, too._

…

Shizuo’s eyes tore open, his vision blurry, his heart racing.

He tilted his head up to evaluate his latest suspicion, and he groaned in its confirmation. Of course he had an erection. After a dream like _that_? Sheesh…

He tried to get up from bed, grunting at the stinging in his chest. He was surprised to find himself in his own bed, in his room, unclothed except for his underwear and freshly-wrapped gauze around his wound. Where was he before he came here? ...Shizuo felt slightly panicked at the gaping hole in his memory. He could only recall waving off Kasuka and stomping around school to try and find--

There was a scuffle in his room, which doubled as the attic of the house, in the far corner. Three meager towers of boxes crowded the corner, and Shizuo couldn’t seem to find a likely source for the sound. He only hoped it wasn’t rats as he lied back down, wanting to rest, wanting to ignore his freaking boner, wanting to ignore the pulsating of his heart and the stinging of his cut.

What could cause Shizuo to have a dream like that?

He didn’t even like Izaya. He _hated_... he hated him. 

_There’s no way a person like that could like me, in any form,_ Shizuo thought wistfully. _He hates me, anyway._ He sighed, and quickly slipped into unconsciousness. 

“God, Shizuo, what a monster you are. It might just be a flesh wound, but--” Izaya jumped over the boxes that served as his temporary hiding place, “--your body is durable. Then again…”

Izaya opened the window adjacent to Shizuo’s bed, expertly jumping over the bed and avoiding any loud commotion. “...I didn’t intend on killing you.” Izaya looked back at the sleeping Shizuo with a smirk, but something about the brunette’s countenance made the smirk fade away.

“You’re a nuisance,” he whispered. Izaya slid down the gutter of the roof, managing to slope down until he was low enough to jump off. He skipped along the road once he hit the ground, in that unique manner of his.

Shizuo gently opened his eyes, watching Izaya through the open window.

_You're a mess, tangled with your confidence._  
_You think you haven't sinned._  
_Well, you're unstoppable,_  
_Your walls are impassible._  
_Well, I know you lay in bed,_  
_Contemplating your own death._  
_Well, just look at what you've done._  
_Don't you dare forget the sun, love!_  
_You look down on me, so casually,_  
_In everything I know._  



	9. Author's Notes

(Why am I looking at this fic, after three years. Why, why, why.)

I've noticed an uptick in interest on this fic, and of course, it only adds to my guilt to leave it unfinished. I want to finish it, because it'll encourage me to pursue other ideas I've wanted to flesh out for a while - Shizaya-related and non-Shizaya-related. So I will attempt to finish it, but I will be flipping the story upside down. So please have patience with me as I:

1) heavily revise the plot  
2) rewrite chapters to my satisfaction (in terms of characterization, dialogue, flow, diction, syntax)  
3) make the genre of this fic more "slice of life" instead of having Izaya being a clear-cut anatogonist; this story is really supposed to be about the budding of a romantic relationship between Shizuo and Izaya, which will take quite a lot since the characters are not proclaimed gay and will inevitably fight against such development due to heteronormativity and any other complexes they may have towards homosexuality

Sorry if this new chapter baited you! That was not my intention! But I also felt it unfair to leave you, as my reader, hanging. I'm also in college and majoring in engineering - so that's another factor that WILL delay me no matter what I say. Thank you for reading and enjoying my crappy writing anyway.

Much love,  
Xadrian


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